#idk I sort of went way off the expected with Rolf but I kind of love it

[owmylasagna-blog]

Hey Garfield Lasagna! I was looking at some old posts and I remembered you mentioning a "school teachers AU" at some point! But I can't remember if you ever expanded on it... were there any particular ideas you had in mind for the characters? If you don't mind my curiosity hehe, just thought I'd ask for fun 👀

Aw hey MB what’s up?? It’s been a minute, hasn’t it. Thanks for the ask and sorry it’s taken so long to reply to it. As you’ll see it took a while to respond because I wrote a lot. Lol.

For context, this extremely hypothetical school teacher AU was inspired by @doubledyke ‘s post about Edd being a school choir director and @mar-saturn ‘s fabulous drawing. The AU exists as a few comments there and some deep part of my memory. But I’ll try to remember what I can and it will be fun to fill in the rest! https://www.tumblr.com/mar-saturn/730274033161125888/i-had-to-take-this-out-of-my-system-thanks

Generally the premise of the AU is to take the cast of Ed Edd n Eddy, age them up, and turn them all into employees at Peach Creek Jr. High. I’d only fleshed out the Eds and Kevin so everyone beyond that I’m spitballing.

Edd - Music teacher and choir director

In any AU I have to make Edd a grad school burnout, so let’s assume that. Our little Renaissance Man maintained an affinity for music even as his dreams of curing mosquito bites were dashed by his declining mental health. As a teacher he’s a real stickler and can be a pompous pain in the ass, so most of the kids don’t like him. Despite that he loves to teach and revels in breakthrough connections with the band geeks and aspiring Broadway singers who see his vision.

Eddy - PE, Health, Sub

@gettingfrilly had suggested a coach McGuirk type gym teacher and that’s. Yes. And also a smattering of Coach Fredricks from Freaks and Geeks and Jack Black in School of Rock (again, fans like @hermes-running have made these parallels). Also only a little inspired by his cute little coaching outfit in One Size Fits Ed. The kids genuinely like him because he lets them do whatever during PE. Eddy is both super down to earth and honest with the kids and they respect that. When he subs they know it’s movie time.

Kevin - PE, Football Coach

Kevin on the other hand is a bit more of a hardass with the kids and will blow the whistle to shake the lead out of their sneakers when running laps. He and Eddy have a bit of a rivalry and often butt heads. Their beef runs deep: in this AU I imagine both Kevin and Eddy grew up in PC and went to school together where they were friends until they weren’t. Kevin got popular and stopped hanging out with Eddy. Eddy became the class clown and pranked Kevin and his in-crowd friends every change he got. The cycle continues to comical effect.

Ed - Janitor

Originally I thought art teacher would be a good fit (as did gettingfrilly) but I changed my mind. Instead, Ed gets the janitor job through his sister Sarah who already works for the school. Ed is sort of a mythical creature in the school, and the kids make up lots of lore and rumors about him. Mysterious, whimsical, pretty rubbish at his job, but genuinely friendly and sweet when you do run into him. He makes sculptures in the woods behind the school from the trash he collects which gets him some attention from other teachers…

Nazz - Guidance counselor

Nazz always knew she wanted to help kids. She has multiple degrees and certifications in children's psychology, social work, and counseling. She’s way too qualified for her position at PC but wouldn't change it for the world because damn do these kids really need her! She is genuinely liked by pretty much all the staff and kids, the cool and hip guidance counselor with great style and a laid back, approachable attitude. But don’t be fooled - she is also a fierce advocate for better teacher wages which can make her a thorn in the administration’s side. You can find her every Thursday night at the local watering hole organizing workers for labor unions.

Rolf - Science teacher

Before immigrating to the US, Rolf was a renowned surgeon in his home country. But as soon as he set foot into the Land of Opportunity all his credentials went out the window and that, along with his remedial English, left him with few options. For a few years he works as a butcher - it's what he did on his family farm growing up, afterall, and he knew his way around cutting flesh. But then an opportunity to teach science at PC gave him more time to care for his aging great Nano so he takes it. Despite improving his English, the students have no clue what he is saying because of his thick accent and foreign analogies. For the Rolf the job is just… fine. The football coach hits it off with him as does the nice blonde regardless of their cultural differences which makes it a bit more tolerable.

Jonny - Wood shop

Need I say more? Just imagine your classic stoner type, Bob Ross energy guy. His favorite song to play at the start of every year is “Everything That’s Made of Wood Once Was a Tree”. Plank is his teaching assistant and will come and give the most scathing critiques of the students’ birdhouses. Not Jonny. Plank. “What’s that, Plank? Not even a rabid ferret would crawl up and die in there… Gee, buddy. Go easy on poor Nelson, would ya?”

Jimmy - Art teacher

Freshly graduated with a shiny MFA in hand, the Chelsea galleries weren’t clamoring to represent Jimmy. This job is just a way for him to start paying off the debt until he makes it big, and he means BIG - he’s the next Warhol as far as he’s concerned. The rest of the art world just needs to catch up. His daring art projects and student shows scandalize the school admin and the parents. They don’t know that good art is evocative. One lunch on his smoke break he stumbles upon the most evocative artwork he’s ever seen in the woods behind the football field. And he just must - MUST - find the artist behind them.

Sarah - Assistant principal

Sarah is the right-hand-man to Principal Antonucci, keeping the chaos of PC in check. Without her, the whole school would have fallen apart at this stage. Young and ambitious Sarah isn’t afraid to run a tight ship to improve the reputation of the school. She quickly latches onto the new art teacher who also loves a good gossip session at lunch time - and boy does Sarah have plenty of opinions, and Jimmy is the best fly on the wall she could ask for. The worst trouble isn't even the students - it’s the drama between the PE teachers.

The Kankers

Lee and May Kanker are both single moms whose kids go to the school. Lee has a monopoly on the PC real estate and May is training to be a dental hygienist. Marie is the local mechanic who is often called in to repair the boiler at the school when a pipe inevitably bursts every January, and will also pick up her little nieces when either of her sisters are working overtime or studying for a big exam. The anklebiters love it when she rolls up in her hotrod, top down. And so does a certain guidance counselor.

That covers everyone!

In this AU the Eds aren’t childhood friends, but become friends from working at the school. The general sort of plotline I imagined was that the school musical sort of brings these three loner staff members together. Edd is directing the production and realizes that Eddy is actually a gifted dancer (lol I’m so cringe - indulge with me) and quite musically inclined, and that Ed has a real talent for making stage props and backdrops. And while this is happening, Edd and Eddy probably strike up a secret little romance because, if you know me, you know I can’t help myself. And the rest is history!

Wow okay that was a long winded answer but it was really fun to come up with! Thanks again for asking (: